Conquering the fear of agents.

No word from those three agents.  Sigh.  Guess it’s time to send an email nudge to them.  Maybe.  AND, more importantly, start sending out blind queries to agents who are interested in my genre.  Sure, it’s easy.  All I have to do is go to through my Writer’s Market book, or better yet, get on the Writer’s Market website and start searching for……..historical fiction?  Literature?  Women’s fiction?  All of the above?  How do I even pick?

I usually call my novel Crossing Paths historical fiction because it takes place a while ago, during WW II.  The historical events are real, the story is imagined.  A lot of research was needed to verify all those events.  That included a few trips to Latvia, where it takes place.

But how do I find that agent or agents who not only read historical fiction, but will like my writing?  Seems like worse than the cliché “finding a needle in a haystack”.  So, here I sit, worrying about what genre the book is and not doing the research on agents and letting life happen all around me.  Except I keep thinking about it.  It’s time, I say.  Past time.  Just do it.  And then……another day goes by……and I didn’t do it.
 Can one of you give me a swift kick in the backside?

It’s so much easier for me to talk to those agents at a conference.  After all, I practiced talking to them for about 7 years at the Philadelphia Writers Conference.  I was on the agents/editors committee that brought them to that conference, so I had a bit of an in.  I practiced querying them about my novel.  Some were interested, others were not.  Nothing dire happened to me as a result.   So -- what am I afraid of?

 This past February, at the San Francisco Writers Conference, I queried agents for real.  I practiced my pitch and rattled it off, sounding self-assured.  All six wanted all or part of my writing.  What a high that was.  You already know the details of that story if you’ve been following this blog since the beginning.  If not, you can go back to the first blog I wrote.  Or not.

Even though I made it through that process fairly successfully, my inside was like unset Jell-O the whole time.  Now my outside is unset Jell-O, just like the inside.  What do I have to do to make the Jell-O set and get firm?  Any ideas?  Anyone out there who has conquered this particular fear?  If so, I’m open to suggestions.

Where have all the agents gone?........and procrastination.

I'm late on posting this bog.  I wrote it on April 5.  I'm new to the blogging process and started a blog on another site and then started this one.  Trying to decide which one to use full time.  I don't plan to keep up more than one.

Still no word from the three agents who have all or part of my novel Crossing Paths.  Are they so busy they haven’t looked at it yet?  Or did they reject my novel and are of the mindset that an email doesn’t have to be answered?  I’m sure I don’t know.  Now it’s time to start querying the gazillion other agents.  No, I haven’t started.  And I have a confession to make.  The whole idea is scary.

Why is it scary?  I don’t even know those people.  They’re nothing to me.  But wait.  In a way, they hold my future in their hands.  Or do they?  Another thing to examine.  Socrates (469 BC – 399 BC) said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  A fascinating concept.  So, the topic this week is procrastination and the issue is to examine it.

 Why do we procrastinate and find ways to wait another day?  I don’t know why all the rest of you do, I can only examine why I do it.  Feel free to comment with your own reasons.

When it comes to me and querying agents, the reason can be told in one word:  fear.  To examine that word further, it could be the fear of failure and it could be fear of success.  And it could be both.  I haven’t wanted to examine it at all, it’s much easier to procrastinate.  In fact, I just walked away and made a small pot of decaf coffee to put off finishing this.  The coffee tastes good, even if I didn’t need it.  And I’m doing laundry, too, so I’ll have to go take care of that in a minute.  It feels good to get the laundry done.  So why doesn’t it feel good to get those blind query letters out?
How can I turn it around and make it feel, if not good, at least okay?  I guess I could let go of expectations.  No expectations as to the outcome.  Hmmmm.  Sounds good on paper.  But it’s hard not to have feelings around the outcome.  Will have to work on that one.

Another load of laundry folded, last load’s in the dryer.  It came to me while I was folding.  Judgment.   Those agents will be judging me.  Another part of my brain asked, really?  More examination.  Judgment is the wrong word.  The truth is that they will be reading my writing to see if it engages them.  And if it doesn’t, that isn’t necessarily a judgment about my writing.  Not everyone likes historical fiction.  Some people prefer__________(fill in the blank). I was going to name a genre that I don’t care to read and decided to let you fill in your own.
Okay, so those agents aren’t judging me, they’re seeing if my writing is something they want to read, if they want to keep turning the pages.  More work to do.  My goal is to conquer the fear and get past the judgment thinking and just do it.

I'll let you know how I'm doing.  In about a week.